Dillon, Bethany, and Autumn: August 2012

The end of my pregnancy has been stressful for me because Dillon and I were living 5 hours apart. Dillon had already moved down to St. George to start his new job and I was living with my mom in Kaysville. As the due date loomed closer I kept getting more and more nervous that Dillon would be in St. George when I went into labor and that he wouldn’t make it up here in time. I know that labor for first-time pregnancies usually takes a long time and that Dillon would most likely make it for the actual birth, but I wanted him there for all of the pain and excitement and nervousness that comes during the first parts of labor. We were hoping that we’d be able to induce labor simply so that we could plan it in a way that Dillon could be up in Kaysville with me when I went into labor and he wouldn’t miss any of it. But we didn’t want to induce if it had potential to hurt either me or the baby. The doctor told us that if I didn’t meet a certain number of factors, then the chance of C-section as a result of induction was high. We wanted to wait until my body was ready and as I went to my doctor’s appointments it seemed like I probably wasn’t going to get there. By the day after by due date I was only dilated to a 2 and progress had been slow. At 39 weeks and again at 40 weeks my doctor stripped my membranes in the hopes that it might help jump start natural labor. It didn’t hurt as badly as I’ve heard from others. I was so hopeful that it would send me into labor at a time when Dillon was visiting. He came up every weekend for a visit towards the very end of the pregnancy. When he was up here we went on lots of long walks to try to induce labor. My dad kept trying to convince me to jump on a trampoline to “encourage” the baby, but I didn’t think that was a great idea considering that I could barely walk in a straight line at 9 months pregnant and huge. The weekend before my due date was uneventful. Dillon left to go back to St. George on Sunday and there were no signs of imminent labor.

My next doctor’s appointment was on Friday June 29^th, one day after my due date. I was still not showing strong signs that I would go into labor soon so it was clear that induction wasn’t going to be a good idea at that point. She stripped my membranes again just in case that might help. This time it hurt a lot more. The doctor was definitely giving it her all. We scheduled a non-stress test for the following Monday to make sure that the baby was still doing ok in the womb. We then scheduled a tentative induction for the next Friday (July 6^th) since they don’t like to let you go much past a week past due. I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to go until then because I could tell that my baby was still growing rapidly. During the last two weeks of pregnancy I could feel our little one having a growth spurt. I went from going to the bathroom every 3 hours to going to the bathroom every 20 minutes. It felt like there was absolutely no space left inside of me. I was getting worried that our baby would be so big I’d end up having to have a C-section anyways. And in my mind I felt like an extra week in the womb would take her from a large baby to a HUGE baby.

Dillon came up for the weekend on the 29^th and we spent the weekend having fun. We went yard sale shopping on Saturday in the morning trying to get in some long walks. We had some great finds, but I ended up just getting really hot and tired so we spent the rest of the day relaxing. Sunday we went to church and it seemed like it was going to be another week before I’d see Dillon again. At about 5:30 Dillon was getting ready to head back to St. George. I went to the bathroom for probably the 50^th time that day when all of a sudden MY WATER BROKE!!! I didn’t expect it at all. I had read that very few women actually have their water break outside of the hospital and even fewer have their water break before labor/contractions actually start. I called the doctor to make sure that I wasn’t mistaken in my diagnosis and she told us to head to the hospital. Dillon was so great when I yelled at him that my water had broken. He whisked around the house so quickly getting everything together and into the car.

Even though we were in Kaysville we were delivering our baby at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo since that’s where my amazing doctor was. The drive down wasn’t too bad at all. I barely started contracting by the end and the contractions weren’t bad at all at that point. The only strange thing was that I kept “leaking” the whole way down. It turns out that when your water breaks it doesn’t all gush out at once. It comes in little (or sometimes not so little) gushes and keeps continuing for hours. I ended up sticking one of Autumn’s diapers down my pants to help keep it from getting everywhere. It turns out that Huggies work!

Once we got to the hospital they took me right back and put me in a gown and hooked me up to monitors and wires and cords. Getting the IV put in hurt like crazy! It didn’t work at first and she had to start over. Once we were at the hospital the contractions started coming. They were still pretty irregular and not super strong, but I could definitely feel them at that point. For me it felt like really intense menstrual cramps. I felt it above my hips mostly and not so much in my back. Because things were progressing so slowly they decided to put me on Pitocin to help speed up labor. I knew that things were going to start getting worse after I got the Pitocin, and I’m not a fan of pain so I decided to get the epidural then rather than later. I was really scared for the epidural. The idea of a giant needle going into my spine was pretty terrifying. Our nurse through the whole thing was amazing. Her name was Jessica and I kept thinking of my amazing friend Jessica who is a nurse. She reminded me a lot of her. The nurse kept telling me that it wasn’t as bad as getting the IV, but I didn’t believe her. I thought she was just trying to make me feel better. Dillon was a great support. Even though he gets very squeamish usually he was so strong and was with me the whole way. When I got the epidural he let me bury my head into his chest and he held onto me tight. He kept telling me that I could do it and everything was going to be ok. Before I knew it, the epidural was in. I had to admit to the nurse that she was right.

It wasn’t long before the epidural kicked in (10 or so minutes). It made me feel tingly and then numb. I thought maybe it would make me feel really uncomfortable not to be able to feel my legs, but I never went completely numb. I could still wiggle my toes and I could feel pressure on my legs. It made me feel less trapped than I thought I might feel. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they don’t want to get an epidural because it means that you can’t get up and walk around and use the bathroom, but honestly I wouldn’t have wanted to get up out of bed if I had been paid. They had to put in a catheter because I couldn’t control anything below the waist. I thought that might be uncomfortable or weird, but actually it was kind of great. During the last few weeks of pregnancy I had to go to the bathroom all the time, so it was super nice to have all of that taken care of for me. Is that weird? I don’t care. It was awesome.

After I had the epidural I was able to sleep on and off for the next few hours. The time went by so quickly. I kept looking at the clock thinking, “It’s already 11:00? How is it 1:30 already?” Because the anesthesia is fluid I had to keep rotating from side to side every hour or so. After a while I’d start to feel the twinge of a contraction on one side and I’d have to rotate. Around midnight the nurse came in and said that they were noticing on the monitor that the baby’s heart rate kept dropping rapidly at certain points and then it took a while for it to get back up to normal. It seemed to be happening whenever I was lying on my left side. They turned me over back onto my right side and then put in an internal baby monitor so they could keep a closer eye on the situation. As time went on the baby’s heart rate kept dropping down into the 90s every time I had a contraction. And my contractions really weren’t all that strong at that point. They had me start breathing in some oxygen through an oxygen mask to try to help, but it didn’t seem to do much except make me feel uncomfortable. I hate having stuff on my face like that. I kept feeling like I wasn’t getting enough air. Around 2:00am the doctor came in to check me out. At that point I had only dilated to about a 4.5 and they couldn’t help speed up labor with Pitocin anymore because it was hurting the baby’s heart rate. The doctor said that the baby’s head was already starting to swell into a cone shape even though she was still far from making an arrival. It’s because her head was really big in comparison to my apparently teeny tiny pelvic bone. They made the decision that an emergency C-section would need to happen. I had known that there was a really strong possibility that I would have to get a C-section. Dillon weight 9 lbs 11 ounces when he was born and if our baby took after him I figured that a vaginal delivery was probably out. Even though I had mentally prepared for the idea of having a C-section and I really wasn’t all that scared, it was extremely hard emotionally. They upped the dosage of anesthesia and before long I couldn’t feel my legs at all. It was like I was paralyzed. I felt like I had no control over my legs. It was a horrible feeling. I had also been breathing through the oxygen mask for the last hour or so without having any ice chips. The combination of the two things made my mouth and throat extremely dry and they wouldn’t let me have any more ice since I was going into surgery. I started to feel like I was suffocating. I couldn’t get in enough air. I kept ripping off the mask in a panic and they kept making me put it back on. I started getting very overheated which made me feel dizzy and nauseas and made me feel even more panicked. I also started shaking uncontrollably. My whole body was shaking: yet another thing that I felt like I couldn’t control. Before long I was having a pretty good sized panic attack. It really felt like I was being suffocated or like I was drowning and I couldn’t get air. I kept spasming and crying out. In my mind it really felt like I was dying. They kept telling me to calm down and to take deep breaths, but it wasn’t really helping. All I could think of what that I was never going to make it. The doctor told me that it was only going to be about 45 minutes in surgery, but at that moment 45 minutes sounded like an eternity and I really didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. If I had been able to move my legs I probably would have jumped off the bed and ran away. Before they wheeled me away Dillon gave me a blessing. I don’t think I heard a word he said. I started freaking out during the middle of it gasping for air and trying to rip off the oxygen mask and shaking all over. I’m surprised I didn’t punch someone in the face.

After what seemed like an eternity they wheeled me into the operating room. It was nice and cold in there which at least was an improvement because I was feeling extremely overheated in the other room I was in which was adding to the nausea and panicked feeling I was having. It didn’t do much to help the intense shaking. They wanted me to keep my arms outstretched on either side. The shaking was so bad, my arms kept lifting off of the table and they had to hold them down. It was still freaking me out not to be able to feel my legs. It felt like my legs were bent with my knees lifted up in the air so I asked Dillon if he would put my legs down flat. He laughed at me and told me that they already were and that my legs were strapped down to the table. It was scary to have no connection to what my legs were doing.

Dillon held my hand the whole time. All I could do was close my eyes and keep telling myself that it would be over soon. Thank goodness they had the giant sheet up that shielded me from what they were doing to me. They said I would feel pressure, but I really couldn’t feel much of what they were doing. The only pain I felt was when they were trying to get the baby out. She was so big that they had to press really hard right down on my chest to try to get her out. They did that a few times. It felt like my ribs were going to break. They kept telling me to take deep breaths, but I couldn’t breathe at all with them pressing down on my ribs like that. I found out later that she was so big that they had to use forceps to help get her out. It was nice being able to hear my doctor’s voice during the surgery. I really like my doctor a lot. I feel like she has a very calming presence. Being able to hear her voice made me feel like I was in trusted hands. I knew that she would take care of me. At 3:03 am our little beautiful daughter was born. I could hear her little cry and Dillon said that he could see her. They took her away to wrap her up and make sure everything was ok. About 5 minutes later Dillon brought her back into the room so I could see her for the first time. She had such dark hair. She was beautiful. At that point I was so exhausted though that I couldn’t even lift my hands up to touch her. I could barely keep my eyes open to look at her beautiful face. Dillon left with the baby to get her cleaned up while they got me cleaned and sewn up. At that point I was still uncomfortable and shaky and panicky, but I was so exhausted that I half fell asleep for the rest which helped me calm down considerably. After a while they wheeled me back into my room where my mom was waiting there to help take care of me while Dillon was gone. She was amazing and had been there with us all night long. I was so tired I could barely speak. After a while Dillon came back in. He told us about her first bath and that she weighed 9 lbs 4 ounces. What a huge baby! The doctor told me that there was no way that she would have been able to be born vaginally simply because of her size. They also found that in the last days of pregnancy she had shifted so that her spine was facing my spine instead of my stomach. This makes labor much harder. They told me that if I have large babies like our little Autumn in the future then I’m going to have to have C-sections for the rest.

I slept on and off for the rest of the morning until they finally brought in Autumn for me to see and hold. She seemed so tiny and so big at the same time. I know I might be a tiny bit biased, but I think she is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Immediately I was completely in love with her and even though it had been a rough pregnancy I felt like it was all worth it.

Dillon, Bethany, and Autumn

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Family Picnic

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Autumn's Birth Story